I used to love playing Hide and seek as a kid. I still love playing it. I sometimes even play "grown up" versions, like Sardines and Assassins. But there's other versions I play that I wish I didn't.
The version I'm best at is the truly "grown up" version of Hide and Seek. It doesn't have a name, just an action or motion: invisibility. There are times when I allow myself, sometimes even force myself to become invisible. Not literally, of course. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have any super powers. But I let myself disappear. I fade into the background. I retreat into my shell and hope no one notices me.
How does this work non-metaphorically? I withdraw from people, I tell them I'm fine when I don't feel that way and attempt to be alone. This only heightens my sense of isolation and loneliness, but I still do it. But every once in a while, something happens to break me out of the shell I build during my invisibility. Usually, it involves someone doing something unexpected for me. And I mean really unexpected.
In fact, most of the time, it takes someone noticing me in my invisibility. When someone sees through to me, notices me, takes the time to let me know I matter, then I begin to break out of the shell again.
I know this doesn't seem all that powerful, but trust me, being seen when you think you're invisible, when you're longing to be seen though you make no effort to stand out, that changes people. It affects them on so many levels. It affects me on those levels. I'll admit, when i become invisible, there is a part of me that is longing to be seen, pleading for someone to see me and take notice. Someone who will actually take the time to let me know that I'm loved, that I'm worthwhile. That I am worth it. And this has to be face to face or very personal. A comment on a Facebook status won't do it. it has to be something where the other person takes time to seek me out.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that God does this too. He sees me even when I try to hide and avoid Him. When I retreat into myself, He's there asking me to come back out and be with Him. He loves me enough that He cares when I try to hide from everyone around.
He seeks me. I matter to Him. He loves me. I know I've talked about how much He loves me a lot on this blog, but it feels as though I keep learning a new aspect about how He cares about me, how He wants me.
How He loves me, so fully and completely.
I feel like He is almost constantly reminding me of this. Or coming at it from a new angle, so that I might finally get it. Hopefully, one day I will understand. For now though, He is still teaching me about Himself and boggling my mind.
Holy is He who sees me and loves me and he alone is worthy of my praise.
The version I'm best at is the truly "grown up" version of Hide and Seek. It doesn't have a name, just an action or motion: invisibility. There are times when I allow myself, sometimes even force myself to become invisible. Not literally, of course. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have any super powers. But I let myself disappear. I fade into the background. I retreat into my shell and hope no one notices me.
How does this work non-metaphorically? I withdraw from people, I tell them I'm fine when I don't feel that way and attempt to be alone. This only heightens my sense of isolation and loneliness, but I still do it. But every once in a while, something happens to break me out of the shell I build during my invisibility. Usually, it involves someone doing something unexpected for me. And I mean really unexpected.
In fact, most of the time, it takes someone noticing me in my invisibility. When someone sees through to me, notices me, takes the time to let me know I matter, then I begin to break out of the shell again.
I know this doesn't seem all that powerful, but trust me, being seen when you think you're invisible, when you're longing to be seen though you make no effort to stand out, that changes people. It affects them on so many levels. It affects me on those levels. I'll admit, when i become invisible, there is a part of me that is longing to be seen, pleading for someone to see me and take notice. Someone who will actually take the time to let me know that I'm loved, that I'm worthwhile. That I am worth it. And this has to be face to face or very personal. A comment on a Facebook status won't do it. it has to be something where the other person takes time to seek me out.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that God does this too. He sees me even when I try to hide and avoid Him. When I retreat into myself, He's there asking me to come back out and be with Him. He loves me enough that He cares when I try to hide from everyone around.
He seeks me. I matter to Him. He loves me. I know I've talked about how much He loves me a lot on this blog, but it feels as though I keep learning a new aspect about how He cares about me, how He wants me.
How He loves me, so fully and completely.
I feel like He is almost constantly reminding me of this. Or coming at it from a new angle, so that I might finally get it. Hopefully, one day I will understand. For now though, He is still teaching me about Himself and boggling my mind.
Holy is He who sees me and loves me and he alone is worthy of my praise.
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