I am invisible. Or at least I can be at will. I know how to hide from the world even to the point that my friends cannot find me if I do not want them to.
No, this is not a superpower. Much closer to espionage. It's a talent I have to be able to blend in and hide. Honestly, I wish I had never learned it. But I did. So now, I can avoid people and remain unnoticed for vast lengths of time.
I know, everyone dreams they could become invisible like this, to be able to completely disappear in a crowd. But they don't know something I do.
It's depressing to unnoticeable. Just once I would like to be seen while I'm "invisible." Just once.
Well, I take that back. What I really want is to be seen, maybe by only one person, time and time again when I think I'm invisible. I want someone to come up and say that they see me and value me.
Every time I go into "invisible mode," it's mostly because I don't want to talk to people, to make nice while I feel like I'm in pain. But I still want someone to see me and come over and talk to me. I know this seems contradictory, but it's true. Maybe a different image might explain better.
I don't want to put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay when I feel like crap. So, I hide from people. I become invisible so that I don't have to pretend.
But every time I become invisible and I remain unseen, I feel less and less valued. I feel more like I don't matter to anyone around me.
That's why I want someone to see me, no matter what I do to become invisible. I want to have someone who values me enough to see through to me.
And I know that there is one Person who always sees me. But I have never felt God put His hand on my shoulder when I'm eating alone during lunch and whisper "I see you."
So the impact of knowing God sees me all the time is slightly lessened. Plus, I've always known God sees me. I grew up in a Christian home, so God's quality of Omnipresence is something I can't forget.
I want someone physical to see me. I want to feel valued.
Steven James, a man I hope I could call a friend (maybe someday) once asked a very profound question: What do we really want? Do we want to love and be loved in return, or do we want to feel love?
Well, I think we, or at least I want to feel loved. I want to feel valued. I know that I am, but knowing something in your brain is much different that knowing it in your heart.
I imagine I've rattled on enough about this now. But this truth I will still proclaim, even though I feel like crap tonight:
Holy is the Lord and most worthy of praise.
No, this is not a superpower. Much closer to espionage. It's a talent I have to be able to blend in and hide. Honestly, I wish I had never learned it. But I did. So now, I can avoid people and remain unnoticed for vast lengths of time.
I know, everyone dreams they could become invisible like this, to be able to completely disappear in a crowd. But they don't know something I do.
It's depressing to unnoticeable. Just once I would like to be seen while I'm "invisible." Just once.
Well, I take that back. What I really want is to be seen, maybe by only one person, time and time again when I think I'm invisible. I want someone to come up and say that they see me and value me.
Every time I go into "invisible mode," it's mostly because I don't want to talk to people, to make nice while I feel like I'm in pain. But I still want someone to see me and come over and talk to me. I know this seems contradictory, but it's true. Maybe a different image might explain better.
I don't want to put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay when I feel like crap. So, I hide from people. I become invisible so that I don't have to pretend.
But every time I become invisible and I remain unseen, I feel less and less valued. I feel more like I don't matter to anyone around me.
That's why I want someone to see me, no matter what I do to become invisible. I want to have someone who values me enough to see through to me.
And I know that there is one Person who always sees me. But I have never felt God put His hand on my shoulder when I'm eating alone during lunch and whisper "I see you."
So the impact of knowing God sees me all the time is slightly lessened. Plus, I've always known God sees me. I grew up in a Christian home, so God's quality of Omnipresence is something I can't forget.
I want someone physical to see me. I want to feel valued.
Steven James, a man I hope I could call a friend (maybe someday) once asked a very profound question: What do we really want? Do we want to love and be loved in return, or do we want to feel love?
Well, I think we, or at least I want to feel loved. I want to feel valued. I know that I am, but knowing something in your brain is much different that knowing it in your heart.
I imagine I've rattled on enough about this now. But this truth I will still proclaim, even though I feel like crap tonight:
Holy is the Lord and most worthy of praise.
Why do you thonk that every time I talk with you, I say "I see you!"?
ReplyDeleteBut of course I know I don't count, I am your sister; having been in that place, i understand. And i love your post.