WARNING: This post is less me telling you a lesson I've learned as much as it is me processing and figuring things out. Or at least attempting to. Random changes in thought pattern and/or reasoning may occur.
Anyone who is a fan of the group RED might notice I borrowed one of their song titles for my post today. Well, it is somewhat on purpose. Lately, I've been struggling here at home to figure out where I belong. As one friend might say, I'm restless.
I have longed to come home from college since Christmas, and now, here I am. And now, I wish I was back at TU with my friends. I miss them. I feel as though I don't really belong here in Buena Vista, like the solid roots I thought I left here were shallower and more fragile than I knew.
I feel like I left my heart, or pieces of it, back in Indiana. And as the saying goes, "Home is where the heart is." Ironic how now I wish I was back. I missed my family here in Colorado, but I also feel like I left family back at Taylor. It's strange to think of myself as having at least two homes now. I've only ever had one before now.
Although I think there is something I need to say real quick though. While I believe I left some pieces at places, I also believe some of the pieces I left with people.At least I think that's where some of the pieces from Taylor are. I left them with friends I made there.
But even knowing that I left pieces of my heart in Indiana, I know that I left pieces of it here in Colorado too. Now I have to find them. I wish it were easier, but at least I know now where to start.
Tonight I worked in the Kitchen at Spring Canyon, the camp where I live. Working there felt normal, routine. Wonderfully familiar. At home, I have to live in the basement since my grandparents are staying with us for a few weeks, and then my uncle will come out with his family for a visit. My normal room was turned into a guest bedroom, so I live downstairs.
Now, why all the background there? Because having said all that, My house feels abnormal now. Strange. Unusual. I try to remember that it is home, but it doesn't feel like it. I feel, well for lack of a better term, displaced. So working gave me a sense of normalcy again. And I believe I found one of the "lost pieces" there.
I know there are more though. I pray God will help me find them. I pray I figure out who I am again. I used to have an identity here in Colorado before college, now I have another one after it and I have to reconcile the two, preferably before I go back to Taylor.
So I guess it's like part of the chorus from the song.
But I will choose to have faith in God. He will bring my heart back together. I will find wholeness and rest from my restlessness in Him. I hope. I pray. God is faithful.
He is holy and He is worthy of my praise.
Anyone who is a fan of the group RED might notice I borrowed one of their song titles for my post today. Well, it is somewhat on purpose. Lately, I've been struggling here at home to figure out where I belong. As one friend might say, I'm restless.
I have longed to come home from college since Christmas, and now, here I am. And now, I wish I was back at TU with my friends. I miss them. I feel as though I don't really belong here in Buena Vista, like the solid roots I thought I left here were shallower and more fragile than I knew.
I feel like I left my heart, or pieces of it, back in Indiana. And as the saying goes, "Home is where the heart is." Ironic how now I wish I was back. I missed my family here in Colorado, but I also feel like I left family back at Taylor. It's strange to think of myself as having at least two homes now. I've only ever had one before now.
Although I think there is something I need to say real quick though. While I believe I left some pieces at places, I also believe some of the pieces I left with people.At least I think that's where some of the pieces from Taylor are. I left them with friends I made there.
But even knowing that I left pieces of my heart in Indiana, I know that I left pieces of it here in Colorado too. Now I have to find them. I wish it were easier, but at least I know now where to start.
Tonight I worked in the Kitchen at Spring Canyon, the camp where I live. Working there felt normal, routine. Wonderfully familiar. At home, I have to live in the basement since my grandparents are staying with us for a few weeks, and then my uncle will come out with his family for a visit. My normal room was turned into a guest bedroom, so I live downstairs.
Now, why all the background there? Because having said all that, My house feels abnormal now. Strange. Unusual. I try to remember that it is home, but it doesn't feel like it. I feel, well for lack of a better term, displaced. So working gave me a sense of normalcy again. And I believe I found one of the "lost pieces" there.
I know there are more though. I pray God will help me find them. I pray I figure out who I am again. I used to have an identity here in Colorado before college, now I have another one after it and I have to reconcile the two, preferably before I go back to Taylor.
So I guess it's like part of the chorus from the song.
"I come to You in pieces, so You can make me whole."That's where I will find wholeness, really. I need to go to God with these pieces of my heart so he can put them together again. He saw me when I left it and know exactly which piece goes where. But it's hard. I know some pieces I have left and I can never get them back, like the pieces I left in Romania when I went there last year.
But I will choose to have faith in God. He will bring my heart back together. I will find wholeness and rest from my restlessness in Him. I hope. I pray. God is faithful.
He is holy and He is worthy of my praise.
No comments:
Post a Comment