Never a Failure

Hey all! Sorry! Those of you who actually read my blog on a regular basis might have noticed that I am officially a week late. I completely forgot to blog last week, and for that I must apologize.

Anyway….

I have to admit at times I feel like a failure. A completely and utterly pathetic excuse for a Christian. Usually this happens right after I fall into sin. It’s almost like an instinct. I screw up and then promptly start beating myself up for it. More than once, I’ve wondered about the marketability of inventing a self-kicking butt.

Being vulnerable to depression doesn’t help my problem, I bet. The fact remains. I’m good at screwing up and making sure I remember what I did. However, I have to fight against doing something even worse than beating myself up. I fight to keep my self-condemnation from becoming a part of my identity.

It’s an easy trap for me to fall into. After making the same mistake a few times, I start to believe that what I do defines who I am. If I make the same mistake and fall into the same sin over and over again, then I start to think that behavior is a part of me, a part of who I am. And since it’s wrong, I think that I’m a “failure”. That I’ll never become any better and that I’m doomed always to fail.

I’m so familiar with this fault, this trap, that it’s almost a habit. I give in to the lie so easily. I’ve heard it enough times that it starts to sound like truth.

Often, it takes hearing the real truth from a close friend to break me out of these “funks”, these attitudes. I can’t hear the truth from myself, so God has to bring in someone else to remind me of what is real. Thank God for friends, huh? 

The truth is, I am not a failure. I am God’s son (note the little s!). God is working in me. He wants me to be more like his Son (big S) and I know that He is not finished with me. Not by a long shot.  Even better, He won’t ever give up on me! Never! Even though sometimes I really can’t understand why He still loves me, why he hasn’t left me in the dust where I belong, the truth remains that He loves me. I am His beloved son. 

And that will never change, no matter how many times I fail.

Holy is the Lord, and most worthy of praise.